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By Mrs. Vernon Clapham

The family of Agamemnon Morton wishes to thank all the well-wishers who came to celebrate his “eighty five years young” at the ranch on Saturday.

Theo and Birdie Kutch were both excited by the arrival of a new flat screen TV set this week, which was delivered by Amazon. No word yet about how Theo is going to set it up; he’ll probably have to run an extension cord from the barn because the house doesn’t have electricity.

There was major excitement on Saturday at the Morton Ranch when 85 year-old Agamemnon ate some of Ruth’s special birthday divinity and couldn’t re-open his mouth. Since he appeared to be choking, the guests took him on the porch and sprayed water in his mouth after prying his lips up with a pair of pliers the wrong way around. “I think being soaked probably opened his mouth,” Desiree quipped.

Lennard Baxter was getting his place ready for winter and locked his hired man, Ralf, in the potato barn. Ralf was stuck in there for a day and a half, hollering away, but Lennard, being slightly deaf, couldn’t hear him. Finally, Thelma Baxter, wondering why Ralf hadn’t shown up for dinner or next day’s breakfast, did an investigation and released Ralf. Lennard promises to get around to installing a doorknob in the potato barn. Let’s hope it’s on the door.

The Nelda Nelnotes Chorister’s Group, a soprano, two tenors and an alto, sang several non-copyrighted birthday tunes on Saturday to 85 year-old Agamemnon Morton and sang bravely in spite of the commotion over his stuck jaw. They were halfway through their set when Miss Olivia’s costume caught fire from the lighted birthday cake. “We just can’t continue without our alto,” Susan Gasser, soprano, explained.

The high school pageant, “A Tribute to Squash,” will be held November 7-14, 2022. Once again, residents of Nelda are asked to dig deep in the closet for the best Zucchini or Summer squash costume to loan to one of the high schoolers, who will wear it all week and be judged at the pageant.

Because of all the excitement at the Morton Ranch, several partygoers checked themselves into the hospital on Sunday morning.